Elders and babies

I spoke to Trudy today to ask her to check on mom from time to time and see if she remembers to eat supper. It's a relief to know that I have a backup and I can go out of town without worrying about mom. When I spoke to her this morning she said that she didn't think that her doctor listens to her. I suspect that mom doesn't understand much of what the doctor tells her and even if she asks a question she can't understand the doctor's answer. So how does one live a contributive life when one is losing the ability to communicate? How can an ancient elder find self-worth, or satisfaction in our fragmented society where our children have spread out to all corners of the globe, and multiple generations don't live under one roof or even in the same community or state? I think for those elders who want to live a contributive life, the answer lies within our communitities in our day care centers and office buildings where elders and children can mingle together and contribute to each other's wellbeing. Now I understand that we wouldn't want our elders to cbe responsible for caring for children, picking them up, changing their diapers, and catching their illnesses. But someone could rock a cradle, walk with a toddler to the story table, or play catch with a little person, or even just watch the babies sleep. They would feel useful and the children would have lots of grandmas and grampas to love them. Now I'm not talking about the Jerry Sandusky type of love. There would be people around and no one would be taken to a dark room or empty shower room to "horse around." This would be healthy, wholesome activities that would benefit everyone. Maybe this isn't feasible in this litigious society. The helicopter parents would have to monitor their children from a babycam from work. But with security systems in place, it would be an ideal place for young people and old people.

A contributive life beyond 70 years

When my mother was approaching her 70s, she said that she wanted to commit suicide so that she wouldn’t have to face the discomfort of aging. Then she met her college sweetheart and changed her mind. She married him and they spent eight lovely years together as he slowly declined and died from Alzheimers disease. Then she moved closer to me and now, while I'm approaching my 70s, Mom's focus is to be the person who lives longer than her ancestors. At 92, she's closing in on her mother's record of 99. Dealing with an aging parent presents a challenging learning curve as I have never done this before. I did visit both of my grandmothers in nursing homes when I had the time, and I agonized over how to bring my mother's mother home to live with me to get her out of the nursing home. I considered starting a daycare facility for aged and preschool people as a way to earn money while caring for my grandmother. Alas, I was unable to realize my goal. My daughter is now dealing with an aging mother-in-law and asked me what would I look for in a nursing home for myself. My mother's recent ride home in a police car from the grocery store because she couldn't find the car she stopped driving ten years ago resulted in me giving her a gentle lecture about making a plan for her care when she is no longer able to care for herself. She's not ready to make a plan she says, but this event and my daughter's question prompted me to write this post. What is my plan? And what am I looking for in living arrangements in the future when I'm no longer able to care for myself? The first thing that comes to mind is living a contributive life: grandma's bandages, mom's afghans and knitted hats, me watching babies. I come from a long line of people who tried to make a difference in society. My grandmother accrued thousands of volunteer hours visiting disabled veterans at the Buffalo Veteran's Hospital. For as long as I can remember she drove into Buffalo every Tuesday to visit the service people who were hospitalized and helped them write letters or she read to them or just visited. Maybe that was a way for her to stay connected to people her son, James’s age as he died in a plane crash in WWII. In her later years, after my grandfather died, she visited the elderly in a nursing home and continued to volunteer her time to cheer up others. Sometimes we joked that the people she visited were younger than she. When she lived in her own apartment, Grandma continued to stay active, participating in senior citizen's activities, playing cards with friends, and knitting bandages for the lepers. When she began having TIAs, which caused her to behave in irrational ways, both my mother and I tried to convince her to live with one of us. She had taken in her mother in law, and then later, her mother when they became disabled, and through that experience, she didn't want one of us to have that same burden. So she went into a nursing home and declined rapidly without having opportunities to contribute to her society any longer. My mother also made contributions to society, first as a teacher, then when she retired, volunteering with a youth group at her church by making sweaters for the them and traveling with them on their annual trip to Washington, DC. She traveled to South Africa to help raise awareness of apartheid, and volunteered at a reconciliation center in Northern Ireland during the troubles to bring understanding among Catholics and Protestants. She's staunchly independent, having traveled around Europe on her own with a Eurail Pass and staying in hostels or guest houses before Rick Steves gave us guidebooks to make the way easier. Now Mom is declining to the point that she's losing her non-existent car in the parking lot, and not being willing to let me help her. I know that at least in my mind, a nursing home is not an option, even though I have put a $2500 deposit on a bed for her "just in case we need one." I would prefer that she continue to live in her senior citizens apartment with some services perhaps to help her manage her affairs without taking away too much of her independence. You see, she's still living a contributive life knitting hats and crocheting afghans for the residents of the building. The major obstacle is her independent spirit and the deterioration of her mind to the point that she doesn't understand what I mean when I tell her that we need to make a plan. So having that example to follow, I also wish to live a contributive life in my declining years. And I'm really good at watching babies and children.

The Price/Cost of Influence

The person who allegedly committed violence in Tucson, Arizona yesterday has been accused of being unbalanced and having a warped view of government and laws. Blaming insanity for his actions excuses us from having to accept our responsibility for this tragedy.

Alaina, my teenaged granddaughter, wears her hair just like every other girl in her school. They wear clothes that mirror the latest movie actress’s style. They base their emerging sense of society on the events and personalities they see on the media outside of their high school. Styles, manners of speech, advertising, and popular culture depend on influence. When it bleeds, it leads. That explains why yesterday I didn’t know what to write, and today I do.

When people have the notoriety and the media visibility to influence others, they have an inherent responsibility to use that platform according to the highest values. If their beliefs involve violence and vitriol, then their rhetoric will reflect that and influence others in that direction. If their fashions reflect lack of pride and disrespect toward themselves, then others will find the same fashions attractive. If their words, actions, and thoughts are congruent with higher values of respect, honor and dignity, then others will mirror them as well.

We’ve all heard the admonitions “Count to ten,” Think before you speak,” and “The first thought is not always the best thought,” because these phrases suggest that it is wise to stop and think before saying and doing something one might regret later. The law of cause and effect demands that the results emerge from the causes that are made. When a person impulsively says or does something that seems cute, or funny, or might make them more notorious for a moment, without measuring the effect of their actions, disastrous results often follow.

Our society is based on the values of liberty and justice for all. We need to be more circumspect in our thoughts, words, and actions so that their consequences will assure that the freedoms in our Constitution apply equally well to our targets as to enhancing our own influence on others.

Open Letter to Move-On.org

Although my participation in the Obama campaign was minimal (small donation, phone calls, door knocking) I am inspired by this campaign and would like to offer some ideas of how to continue the momentum throughout President Obama’s term in office. You may have already thought of these things because you’re way ahead of me, but last night’s history-making election results move me to respond in some way.

I also just finished reading Naomi Klein’s book, The Shock Doctrine, showing how since the Reagan administration, economist Milton Freidman’s policies have taken away the rights of the common person and given everything to big business, the lobbyists, Congress, and the Washington insiders. These are very strong entities who are already trying to influence the Obama White House. We need a grass-roots organization to support President Obama and use nonviolent protests, teach-ins, and rallies to communicate to these entities that we want change and will no longer sit back and let business as usual steamroll over our lives.

I realize that you already know this, but I just have to say it for my own benefit, I guess. We need to continue the momentum started during the campaign and show President Obama that we support him and his policies. Here are my suggestions:

1. I heard that there were about 700 campaign offices throughout the US helping to make these results happen. Let’s keep them open as community grass-roots organization posts where new proposals coming from the Obama presidency can be explained and supported.
2. Let’s use our grass-roots offices to picket the offices of big business, the lobbyists, Congress, and the Washington insiders to show them that they need to change their ways and show the country that their businesses will no longer run this country.
3. Let’s use our grass-roots offices to keep young people engaged in the political process and develop their own skills in organizing, working, and promoting President Obama’s policies to make his promises a reality. Yes, we can!
4. On two occasions, I received a robo-call from Michele Obama asking me to support Barack’s campaign. She has a very sweet but compelling voice. Let’s ask her to continue to call us when President Obama needs extra support to move one of his proposals through Congress. I would do anything she asks.

President Obama and his cabinet cannot do it alone. They will need our support in order to keep moving in the direction of change. They also will need people with foresight and common sense to help keep to the middle way where excesses in either direction toward the left or right will weaken our democracy. That’s why we need everyone to work toward realizing our dream. Yes we can!

An Open Letter to the Candidates and the Media

I don’t want to hear about the vice presidential candidates. I don’t want to hear about the candidates’ wives. I don’t want to hear about who is the bigger change agent. I don’t want to hear how much money the lobbyists are paying the candidates to campaign for their special interests. I want to know what the candidates’ platforms are.

The elevator stops at each floor. If you think you can effect change, then tell me what that means. Where will you start and where will you stop?

I want to know what you think you can do in the next four years to make this world a better place for its inhabitants including the fish in the sea, birds in the air and living things on the ground.
Tell me how you will improve our lives with all that money the lobbyists are giving you.
What are you going to do about global warming?
What are you going to do to promote health and welfare including preventing untimely deaths due to war, poverty, disease, drug addiction, alcoholism, and man’s inhumanity to man? Down here in the trenches, these issues concern us.

I realize that a president is not a magician. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. Just let me know what you are going to do in the next four years to create life on this globe that's a little bit better than it is now.

Tired

I’m tired of the political campaign, the rhetoric, and the assumptions the news media makes. So here’s a little funny I ran across by Jeffrey Shaffer in his article “How to revive a campaign” in the Christian Science Monitor on Sept. 5:

“My opponent was overheard at a party telling lobbyists for the oil industry that he opposes offshore drilling because he fears it will awaken giant subterranean reptiles that will run amok, destroy our cities, and drain the military budget.” And “My opponent has bragged repeatedly that he gets his ideas about economics by listening to old Led Zeppelin records played backwards.”

How about coming up with more funnies to help lighten the campaign bluster?

Joe Biden - reformed plagiarist?

I am disappointed that Obama selected Biden for his vice presidential running mate. As an English teacher, I warned my students about plagiarism using Biden as an example of how it can haunt the person years later. Maybe it no longer haunts Biden and he’s a reformed plagiarist. However, even when people who drink excessively stop drinking they still call themselves alcoholics. If he’s not plagiarizing, my guess is that he’s doing something else that’s equally dishonest. I don’t trust him and I don’t think I would like to see him step in as president if Obama couldn’t serve.

Maybe as my son-in-law suggested, I should just give him a chance. But I have misgivings. How important is it that he might be the next vice president? Is it fair to disparage him or is it fair to make analogies that compare plagiarism to other fraudulent activities? If I look for his highest life condition, remembering that each of us reside in the Ten Worlds from Hell to Buddhahood, then I have to ignore his earlier transgressions and trust that he has overcome them.

But I also have a responsibility to face reality.

As a writer, I think that stealing someone’s words is the same as stealing their TV, stereo system, or car. Maybe even more serious because it misappropriates the thoughts created by another person.

If I invented a new system of energy transmission that solved the energy crisis and someone else called it his own, I could feel violated, or I could be willing to share it with the world like with open source programming. So maybe plagiarism only becomes a violation depending on the attitude of the victim. But even with open source, even though everyone shares, someone gets credit for his work. They just let others use what they created. That’s different.

So I still believe that a person who plagiarizes is stealing by not giving credit to the source. And I also think that a person who plagiarizes and thinks he’s overcome that affliction is still going to have the urge to take from others if not their words, then their ideas, their rights, or their possessions.