Recently, while rearranging my office space and cleaning up piles of accumulated writings, I came across journals that I kept from 1984 until 2001 spanning seventeen years of misery. Journaling served as a sounding board for my frustrations with my marriage, my job, my health, my financial condition, and my children. In them over and over again, I complained about my environment, set goals to change my attitude or change my situation. But what did I accomplish? Nothing ever changed. I wrote goals. I listened to motivation tapes. I read books to elevate my thinking. I asked God to help me. I tried to make amends for past misbehavior or negative thinking. Still nothing changed. I continued to write the same goals on a merry-go-round of dissatisfaction and desire.
Nichiren, a 13th century monk who studied all the Buddhist teachings and founded the sect of Buddhism that I encountered, said, “Only the ship of Myoho-renge-kyo enables one to cross the sea of the sufferings of birth and death” (“A Ship to Cross the Sea of Suffering.” The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin vol.1. Tokyo: Soka Gakkai, 1999, p. 33). To me, this meant that by chanting "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo," I would finally change my life condition. In January 2000 I joined SGI-USA. I chanted for discernment. I chanted for courage. I chanted to change my life. By December 2001, I was fired from my job, my husband divorced me, I ran out of money, was invited to not join the family at Thanksgiving, and everything changed. Why?
I had stopped looking at effects and began focusing on causes. We practice the Buddhism of true cause. That means that when something blocks our forward movement, we look at the effects and determine what causes we made that resulted in those effects. Then if we want to change our effects, we change our causes. By making causes, I focus on the present and future instead of focusing on the past and my environment.
My environment reflects my life condition. By changing my life condition, my environment changes. Today I have a mission. I don’t have time to think about the miserable surroundings in my environment because I am too busy making causes for world peace. And when I focus on my causes, the conditions in my environment become opportunities for appreciation rather than complaint. Just like the leaf that floats on the surface of the rushing stream, the effects within my life condition merely flow past me.
I live alone. I write (one of my major goals in my journals). I am happy. I manage my money carefully, and I have enough to eat and pay the bills. In the winter, I keep the heat turned to sixty-eight degrees during the day and fifty-five degrees at night and snuggle under my down comforter to keep warm. In the summer, I wait until the heat approaches ninety before I turn on the air conditioner. I recycle; I freecycle; I exercise; I study; I call and encourage members; I chant; I teach; I learn; I laugh; I love.
Yes, I also have struggles. I support my eighty-eight year old mother who lives near me. I try to improve communication among my fellow chapter and area leaders. Sometimes I feel lonely, but when I reach out to others, the feeling passes. I walk and ride public transportation as much as possible to do my part to preserve energy and reduce greenhouse gas emissions. I’m working to keep my publishing and writing business solvent. Just this year, by chanting “Nam-myoho-renge-kyo” and taking an active role in my health, I overcame a twenty-year struggle with chronic diarrhea.
Today my causes make me like the tree rooted by the stream thrusting up my branches toward the universe. Like it says in the spiritual sung by Maya Angelou, “I will not, I will not be moved.”
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