Many in body, one in mind

The Japanese term itai doshin translates to many in body, one in mind. This means that although we are different (many in body) in order to succeed we must be of one mind.

We all look different. We have different facial characteristics, skin colors, body types, cultural cues, and mannerisms - even physical or handicapping conditions. This makes life interesting. This makes us want to get to know another person. If everyone looked exactly the same, we would have to have some other characteristic to tell us apart – maybe scent or feces color. Just think of it – my best friend makes purple poop! My acquaintances create yellow poop! That’s pretty silly and shows how the concept many in body allows us to recognize each other easily.

Now, let’s look at the other side of the equation – one in mind. When we are of one mind with someone, our lives are peaceful. We agree on our goals and work together to achieve them. That’s how we raise healthy children. If both parents agree on the rules and procedures for following the rules, their household is much more peaceful than when the parents are at odds with each other.

Think about people with whom you share one mind – you agree on how things are to be done and accomplish your goals in harmony. List the “rules” you use to communicate, operate, and achieve success. Maybe you have a family conference. Maybe you get together for lunch and discuss your ideas. Most likely you have differences of opinion, but you learn to listen to each other and try to find the best path to move forward.

Now think about people with whom you clash. Your mind is different than theirs. When a plan is made, the other person objects. When the objection is raised, the other person pouts. While the pouting persists, the other person does his or her own thing. When the pouter gets angry, the other person becomes defensive, and on and on. Nothing of substance is accomplished and the ongoing friction rubs people the wrong way on a merry-go-round of unhappiness.

How can we go from different minds to one mind? Using dialogue. When a plan is made, discuss the different factors in the plan. Is this the best location? What if someone is in a wheelchair? How will we accommodate different people? What is our goal? To make sure everyone is comfortable and informed. How can we accomplish that goal? By choosing the right time, the right place and the right people to invite. Once everyone involved in the planning has an opportunity to express their ideas and concerns, the plan becomes one that all can support.

That sounds really nice for planning an event. But what about a really serious issue like divorce, abuse, or suicide? That’s when people’s minds experience real conflict.

I read a book once titled “Can You Wait Until Friday?” about how to respond to someone who is considering suicide. The premise was that when something looks really hopeless, waiting a few days, allows the environment or situation to change demonstrating that the hopelessness is a feeling that is flexible and bound to change in a few hours or a few days. In the meantime, using dialogue to uncover the source of the hopelessness strengthens both people in the discussion and allows them to find unity in a mind dedicated to accomplishing a goal as partners rather than pulling against each other by trying to control or feeling despair.

Remembering the concept “many in body, one in mind” helps us to use dialogue with others in order to maintain harmony and accomplish our goals.