Reframe Bullying, Achieve Goals

Do you avoid being alone? Do you keep yourself busy so that you don’t feel the space of aloneness crowding in on you? Do you substitute feeling alone with drugs or alcohol? I received a book to review that spent the first two-thirds of its verbiage on bemoaning the sad life of self–absorbed women victims of misguided parents, friends, relatives, sick uncles, alcoholics, self-absorbed partners and employers.

I’m a compassionate person, but after reading 150 pages relating events about these sad, desperate people, I’m feeling burned out. Within these pages, I found two solutions to this sorry state of aloneness: become more self-absorbed by finding your life force, and return to your secret garden. Granted, there are still about a hundred pages left, but I don’t think I can endure the potential for self-absorption much longer.

I am reminded of a time when my daughter, Debbie, started playing clarinet. Yes, the first year of playing an instrument can be difficult for the listeners, but Debbie had a natural musical talent and in the spring of that first year, she was preparing for her fifth-grade band concert, soloing with “Pop! Goes the Weasel” and adding her own little improvisation to the end of the tune. She decided one beautiful day to practice outside on the side porch.

As she practiced, our neighbor walked by and said, “Debbie, you sound like a sick cow!” I heard the comment and waited for Debbie’s response. Debbie continued to practice and when she finished and came back inside, she said, “Mom, I think our neighbor doesn’t feel very good about herself.” She played beautifully in her concert and continued to study clarinet and is now an accomplished clarinetist with a doctorate in clarinet performance. Had she been one of those self-absorbed victims, I shudder to think what might have become of her. But rather, she saw through our neighbor’s ugly comment and labeled it low-self esteem instead of a personal attack.

Although I understand that there may be people in this world who suffer at the hands of bullies, abusers, inept parents, and others, I’m sorry to say that this book I’m reading probably does not offer the solution to their pain.